Collecting My Thoughts On Prop 8's Passing

I feel like I ought to write something thoughtful and deep, or at least attempt to, but it has been hard to wrap words around my emotions, let alone wrap my head around the outcome of the election. It is the first time since prohibition that existing legal rights have been taken away and the first time ever that Americans have amended a state constitution to take away rights from a minority group that previously enjoyed those same rights, which makes for a scary day for this country, this state, civil rights, and me and all my LBGT friends. To quote Lorri L. Jean:

That is because Proposition 8 is the very first time in our nation's history that one group of people has succeeded in putting a measure on the ballot that seeks to eliminate the fundamental marriage rights of another group.

And that's one of the worst things about Proposition 8. It's an effort to start something very dangerous in our country -- something that flies in the face of the very bedrock of our democratic society and of the reasons why we have a Constitution and a Bill of Rights. One group of people is not supposed to be able to vote to take away the fundamental rights of a smaller group of people. To do so is not only wrong, it's un-American.

Before I go any furher, I want to express my thanks to all the kind folks on the East coast who expressed their regret, either in private email or in their comments on this blog. I appreciate your support immensely, and your acknowledgment that this is a difficult piece of news for me as well as your recognition of the disturbing larger implications of the proposition's passage. This especially includes my parents, who wrote to me almost immediately expressing their sadness and outrage.

I was very disappointed last night when the election returns on proposition 8 came in, but not shocked. I had a feeling it would pass. After all, the Yes signs vastly outnumbered the No signs in my part of town, as did the Yes protesters. My signs kept getting stolen. Many of my acquaintances and friends had told me they were voting yes. And many of my friends who would have voted no chose not to participate at all, not even bothering to cast a vote. So in my small world it didn't look good from the outset.

On a personal level, prop 8 has been a wake-up call to me about the environment I live in and the rampant homophobia and religious fundamentalism that dominate in my neighborhood/area of town as well as the apathy of way too many people when it comes to voting. The first thing Dr. Cool said to me when he saw me today was that it must be a difficult day for me. And then he added that it says a lot about our state, and our neighborhood in particular.

On a more political level, I think that a lot of the reason that prop 8 passed was the conflation of religious values and legal rights. There is supposed to be separation of church and state in this country, but many people seem to have missed that point in making their decisions on how to vote on this one. Many people seemed to want to impose their religious values on others. This wasn't about a spiritual definition of marriage or G-d's will (and notice here that I always hyphenate G-d's name, as do all religious Jews or people who were raised in that tradition, out of respect lest the full name be written and then desecrated, so it is not like I am without any understanding of religious tradition or spirituality myself). This was about taxpayers being denied equal rights. And yes, as the gay rights attorneys astutely argued in the Supreme court case, it was also about semantics. That domestic partnership may convey many of the same legal benefits as marriage but it does not have the same meaning to people and that this can have important consequences besides the obvious emotional component, such as in medical emergencies.

To quote Veronique de Turenne, who put my first point above much more succintly, "Behind the dollars and sentiments the question remains -- is marriage a state of the soul, or sole discretion of the state?"

Despite feeling disappointed last night and this morning, overall I remain optimistic that I will see gay marriage prevail in my lifetime. That I will live to see acceptance and not just tolerance and thinly veiled homophobia. The exit polls showed that people under 30 overwhelmingly voted no, meaning they supported gay marriage. The tides are turning. It was too soon this time, but just by a hair. I think it is inevitable that change will come, with time. As a rabbi I heard speak on this issue said, "Change does not come overnight. It is a gradual and frustrating process. Sometimes it is one step forward and two steps backward." But once set in motion, change like this does come. And so even in the face of defeat I embrace hope.