1 Robin + 1 Robin= 1 Nest And Offspring

Investigating robin nests, and watching robin behavior has, oddly enough, given me new insight into human behavior. I guess maybe it is not so odd, since I became curious about which berries are edible by watching robins feed (I haven't tried earthworms yet, I promise), and I take a fair number of my cues from the animals around me.

It is uncanny how during the breeding season, finding one robin almost always means the mate is nearby, and how a mated pair inevitably has a nest or newly fledged young in the area. There just aren't a lot of single robins hanging around doing their own thing, coffee with friends and concerts on the weekend, ya know. I guess it's the hormones. Seeing how basically all the robins pair off, and even those that lose a mate quickly find another, makes me understand how primal the desire to pair and raise young is for so many species.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately since so many of my friends are settling down, marrying and starting their own families. I guess that is what happens when you reach 30. It's funny, because I have no intention of settling down anytime soon and I don't want to have kids at all (though when I was younger I did for a time, but came to realize I like my free time too much to give it up to the incessant demands of an infant or small child). Sometimes it seems to me like people are just following an unwritten script, without examining the deeper motives for having a family. I remember a really good article in Ms. magazine years ago where the author wrote about her decision to become medically sterilized in order to feel more free having sex with men (no fears of pregnancy). She wrote that she felt she had thought longer and harder about her decision not to have children than most of her friends had thought about their decision to have children. I definitely agree with her assessment that the decision not to have children receives more scrutiny than the decision to have children, though given the commitment involved it seems it should be the other way around (Ms. magazine "First Person: Childless by Choice" Oct/Nov 2000).

I'm lucky in that I have had two fantastic female mentors who never married or had kids, C and my birding instructor, Lisa. They are both in their mid 40s now and seem quite happy with the choices they have made. Other than them, I am hard pressed to think of too many older role models who have gone the childless by choice route. At the emergency clinic, just about everyone had kids, although I can think of a few graveyard nurses who chose not to as a lifestyle choice. Watching the robins, I can understand that I am in the minority in rejecting family life-- I am choosing to follow a path that does not blindly give in to my hormones or pressure from society. It is an easier path in many ways, for it will give me more freedom and opportunities, but it is also far harder because when you do not conform there is always a sense of isolation too.