Friday Night Rituals

For a long time Friday nights were the beginning of my work week. I'd pull into the parking lot at the emergency clinic a little before six o'clock feeling excited to start my week.

I missed my Friday night crew terribly while on the East coast this summer. There is almost nothing I'd rather be doing than working on a Friday night. It is such an awesome crew, they rock the kasbah. SelfSustainableNurse, Muscles, for a long time we had Sunshine, though now it is UpcomingSuperstar.

Tonight I took the night off. I think it is the first Friday night I haven't worked since returning to San Jose. I am exhausted and next week I have midterms and a lot of application deadlines.

So to relax and enjoy the evening I did what I used to do before I worked at the emergency clinic: I went swimming at my favorite outdoor pool.

As much as I love working, there is nothing quite like starting your swim at dusk and with every turn of your head to the side for a breath watching the sky go from blue to dark blue to black, then seeing the first star appear. It is magical to me.

I rejoice in being in the water. The silence, the solitude. Pulling with my arms, so unlike running, where my legs do most of the work. Feeling the power in my body, feeling my force change direction as I tuck and flip coming into the wall, my body coiling into a spring that explodes off the wall. Holding my breath for as long as possible, till I start to inhale underwater, getting water up my nose. The sting of water in my nose like biting into bitter herbs at Passover, both pleasant and unpleasant at the same time.

There is no place other than work I would rather be on a Friday night than outside in the water swimming laps. Perhaps the ocean would be just as nice. I do like the saltwater.

I came home to an empty house since Dr. Cool is on an overnight. For some reason, perhaps because I have been hanging around with someone Jewish lately or perhaps because the high holidays start this week, I decided to light Shabbat candles (I know, I know, the timing is wrong, it's supposed to be done at sundown and not when it is already pitch black). Being a minimalist I don't own candlesticks or candles, but I do have this tiny tin that a very nice, young Lubavitch woman in my biology class last winter gave to me. It says on it "Share The Light" and Fridaylight.org, and has been sitting in a box in the garage for months. Tonight I finally sliced open the shrink wrap, took out the matches and two tea lights and lit them while saying the appropriate blessing. Then I had a glass of wine, over which I also said a prayer.

It felt good to say the blessings and have the candles burning on the counter. I've been a little nostalgic for ritual lately.

Tonight was just about perfect. Swimming at my favorite pool feels like home. The candles are a tie to my childhood upbringing. Coming home to an empty house, knowing that no one will come over and that I am all alone makes me happy too. I know I'm different in this way, but I'm trying to learn to accept myself. If what makes me happy is a long swim and a night alone, then so be it for now.